Only a couple of weeks left until the end of school, and we have our plans all lined-up until the first week of september. Looking forward to going to our Riley Lake heaven, and being immersed in the sweet smell of pine needles. I will hang the new hammocks, and read. I will also work, I love to work there. We will go for a few days in July, and a couple of weeks in August. Sweet!
Also looking forward to spending some time in Quebec city, and at our Quebec family cottage near Trois-Pistoles, in the lower St-Laurence region. Being there is always deeply soothing. I guess it's because my ancestors settled in that area when it was still Nouvelle France, in 1665. The cottage is in the village of St-Mathieu de Rioux, and my mother's parents grew-up there and got married in the lovely old church in the village. I have fond memories of visiting relatives there, some were dairy farmers and I loved spending time in the stable... the smell of warm milk, and of the hay filled grange. But these small farms are all gone now. Although my kids will not be able to experience this close encounter with farm life, they do know the village and their ties to it. It's a beautiful place.
While at the St-Mathieu cottage I hope we can go for a few treks, like the Bic National park - and watch the seals swim around or roast under the sun. There's nothing like the salty breeze of the lower St-Lawrence, you can almost feel the cool Atlantic in the air. Or maybe we'll go horse back riding in St-Fabien, or walk up to the falls along on the Trois-Pistoles river... so many stunning places! Can't wait! The trip there and back is equally exciting, along the old road going through towns and villages, with some ritual stops like Fromagerie des Basques, and Les Trois Fumoirs for amazing smoked fish. Yum!
We will also spend some time at home of course, and I have a feeling that it will be busy. No worries, that's business as usual! Call it home management, or domestic engineering, or tender care and attention... it's all about juggling with food, laundry, and paying the bills. Days go by, weeks go by, and next thing you know summer is here!
Somewhere between Izamal and Sudzal, Yucatan.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
The Anatomy of a Burnout
I have no problem whatsoever talking about my fall from the 9 to 5 office life, although I know that some people are not comfortable with the subject. I think it's a matter of understanding what a burnout is, like demystifying a dark secret. I also think that many people go through it while trying to ignore that something is wrong, and that's a shame... because such a state of psychological distress is actually a wonderful defence mechanism. The longer you ignore it however, the more damage you allow onto yourself, and the longer the recovery will be.
Basically, if you find yourself in an overly stressful environment on a regular basis, your body will eventually say 'enough is enough', and give you signs that you should think about pulling out of that unhealthy environment. At first the sings will be subtle, but they will surely increase in intensity if nothing is done. Difficulty sleeping, short tempered and overly emotional, loss of cognition to some degree, difficulty focusing, sentiment that the work load is overwhelming even if you know your job inside and out, feeling defensive and feeling the need to constantly prove yourself or cover your butt (ie keeping way too many email trails...), and feeling generally tired physically, emotionally and intellectually. Drrrrrring!!!!!! Your wonderful body is telling you that this is very unhealthy, and it is doing what is needed so that you are no longer able to function in that environment. It will force you to pull out. Period. So when you look at it this way, a burnout is actually a very healthy reaction... in the sense that your body is working just fine - in your own best interest!
Once you are out of the circuit and forced to stay home... to look after yourself for a change... it feels strangely wrong. Guilty of letting your work team down, and your employer, and your family... Feeling that you should be able to pull it off since millions of people do it every day seemingly without a glitch... pfff! What's wrong with you?
So for me it happened over a period of about two years overall, and I finally hit my red zone on December 2, 2006. On that day just before lunch, I told my boss that I had to go see my doctor. At that point I knew that I would not be back at the office for awhile. My Doctor had spelled it out very clearly a couple of weeks before that, advising me to stop working for awhile, but no... I could not let them down! So much for that. After seeing my doctor on that day I got home and announced to Tim that I would be home for awhile - doctor's orders (we have the same physician). He was very puzzled, scared, suddenly unsure about our financial future, just like me. I was off work for about 4 months, with regular and unpleasant follow-ups from the insurance company (they do treat every claimant like a system abuser...),and finally the insurance company psychiatrist gave me a return date, and told me to take a Valium and that everything would be just fine. Hmmm... (I did not take the Valium).
I did go back to work a couple of weeks later as instructed, arrived at 8:30am, fairly calm but feeling like everybody had labeled me as 'the little engine that couldn't'. Making my way to my office and saying hello to the few colleagues who were there that morning. Somebody was settled in my office and it startled me a little... I had no place to go... so I decided to see my contact in Human Resources... who was not there yet... and then I started to shake. My hands were shaking uncontrollably. I have never experienced this before, or since. So I decided to get out of there pronto and go for a walk in the food court until 9am. I ran into a good work friend, and just broke down in tears. I could not control this physical reaction and I was completely puzzled by it. My friend said "Julie, go home". And I did.
Later that week my doctor told me that this was a post-traumatic reaction. I thought it was a bit over the top... it's not like I saw somebody getting dismembered or anything like that.. but it turns out that I did endure a lot of pressure and underestimated my situation. And when I went to the office on that day my body did recognise the place soon enough, and clicked into red alert mode. There was nothing I could do about it - but leave at once.
I explained the situation to the Human Resources coordinator, and shortly after the insurance company informed me that they considered that I did not go to work that day, and therefore they were ending my coverage. Lovely. I called my lawyer, and the following day the company accepted to give me a fair severance package - although they insisted that they would love for me to come back to work. After all, I was an important part of the company... launching it in 2 languages across the country with a very small team, and after 10 years of hard work it had become a multi million success story. But Teletoon would go on without me, and me without it. I had developed an acute allergy to the place... And I decided to never work in television again, ending an 18 year career in television programming.
I made many much needed changes in my life, like learning to chill... and was lucky to make a fairly smooth transition towards self-employment. I used the severance money to finance my studies at the Royal Conservatory of Music, and pitched my business idea to the Toronto Business Development Centre. I was accepted, and was very fortunate to launch Le Petit Atelier under their wonderful guidance - a one year business training.
Change always comes with a certain dose of pain, and in this case it was worth it. My burnout was a mid-life blessing. It kicked my butt towards a much better life and I am grateful for the humbling lesson. Time is precious, and I have a much better grasp on what I do with it now. I look ahead with a sense of freedom.
So dear blog readers... if you happen to know someone who seems to be unusually short tempered, stressed, or tired, take a moment to think about this before you classify him or her as a lost case and turn your back. Be kind and if at all possible, reach out. It's the decent thing to do.
Basically, if you find yourself in an overly stressful environment on a regular basis, your body will eventually say 'enough is enough', and give you signs that you should think about pulling out of that unhealthy environment. At first the sings will be subtle, but they will surely increase in intensity if nothing is done. Difficulty sleeping, short tempered and overly emotional, loss of cognition to some degree, difficulty focusing, sentiment that the work load is overwhelming even if you know your job inside and out, feeling defensive and feeling the need to constantly prove yourself or cover your butt (ie keeping way too many email trails...), and feeling generally tired physically, emotionally and intellectually. Drrrrrring!!!!!! Your wonderful body is telling you that this is very unhealthy, and it is doing what is needed so that you are no longer able to function in that environment. It will force you to pull out. Period. So when you look at it this way, a burnout is actually a very healthy reaction... in the sense that your body is working just fine - in your own best interest!
Once you are out of the circuit and forced to stay home... to look after yourself for a change... it feels strangely wrong. Guilty of letting your work team down, and your employer, and your family... Feeling that you should be able to pull it off since millions of people do it every day seemingly without a glitch... pfff! What's wrong with you?
So for me it happened over a period of about two years overall, and I finally hit my red zone on December 2, 2006. On that day just before lunch, I told my boss that I had to go see my doctor. At that point I knew that I would not be back at the office for awhile. My Doctor had spelled it out very clearly a couple of weeks before that, advising me to stop working for awhile, but no... I could not let them down! So much for that. After seeing my doctor on that day I got home and announced to Tim that I would be home for awhile - doctor's orders (we have the same physician). He was very puzzled, scared, suddenly unsure about our financial future, just like me. I was off work for about 4 months, with regular and unpleasant follow-ups from the insurance company (they do treat every claimant like a system abuser...),and finally the insurance company psychiatrist gave me a return date, and told me to take a Valium and that everything would be just fine. Hmmm... (I did not take the Valium).
I did go back to work a couple of weeks later as instructed, arrived at 8:30am, fairly calm but feeling like everybody had labeled me as 'the little engine that couldn't'. Making my way to my office and saying hello to the few colleagues who were there that morning. Somebody was settled in my office and it startled me a little... I had no place to go... so I decided to see my contact in Human Resources... who was not there yet... and then I started to shake. My hands were shaking uncontrollably. I have never experienced this before, or since. So I decided to get out of there pronto and go for a walk in the food court until 9am. I ran into a good work friend, and just broke down in tears. I could not control this physical reaction and I was completely puzzled by it. My friend said "Julie, go home". And I did.
Later that week my doctor told me that this was a post-traumatic reaction. I thought it was a bit over the top... it's not like I saw somebody getting dismembered or anything like that.. but it turns out that I did endure a lot of pressure and underestimated my situation. And when I went to the office on that day my body did recognise the place soon enough, and clicked into red alert mode. There was nothing I could do about it - but leave at once.
I explained the situation to the Human Resources coordinator, and shortly after the insurance company informed me that they considered that I did not go to work that day, and therefore they were ending my coverage. Lovely. I called my lawyer, and the following day the company accepted to give me a fair severance package - although they insisted that they would love for me to come back to work. After all, I was an important part of the company... launching it in 2 languages across the country with a very small team, and after 10 years of hard work it had become a multi million success story. But Teletoon would go on without me, and me without it. I had developed an acute allergy to the place... And I decided to never work in television again, ending an 18 year career in television programming.
I made many much needed changes in my life, like learning to chill... and was lucky to make a fairly smooth transition towards self-employment. I used the severance money to finance my studies at the Royal Conservatory of Music, and pitched my business idea to the Toronto Business Development Centre. I was accepted, and was very fortunate to launch Le Petit Atelier under their wonderful guidance - a one year business training.
Change always comes with a certain dose of pain, and in this case it was worth it. My burnout was a mid-life blessing. It kicked my butt towards a much better life and I am grateful for the humbling lesson. Time is precious, and I have a much better grasp on what I do with it now. I look ahead with a sense of freedom.
So dear blog readers... if you happen to know someone who seems to be unusually short tempered, stressed, or tired, take a moment to think about this before you classify him or her as a lost case and turn your back. Be kind and if at all possible, reach out. It's the decent thing to do.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Re-defining Reasonable
My personal questioning and reflection these days : is it reasonable to plan for a 16 day trip on my own in the spring of 2012?
Well at this point in my life... I think it is. If I rewind and think of myself only four or five years ago, I would have considered this idea completely unrealistic. Feeling the obligation to work and rake in as much income as possible for our little family, and obviously since I was part of the corporate swirl back then, I also had to use my yearly vacation allowance wisely (I think it was 4 weeks... goodness gracious!). But that was another era, and my life is very different now - thank God.
When I left the corporate world four years ago, following a burn out, I decided to take control over one precious dimention we tend to overlook in the first half of our life : Time. I took a very clear decision to change the pace of my work life, and protect the time I have with my children while they are still children. It applied to my day to day attitude towards time and I vowed to not rush anymore. Since then I never run to catch the bus or the streetcar because there is always another one not too far behind. I never hurry in the grocery store as I used to do after a day at the office. I take the time to prepare good home made meals. I go out with friends more often and when I do, I take an hour to prepare if I feel like it. I hang the laundry on the clothes line and feel so wonderfully 'normal' not using a machine in the name of time management. And of course, the decision to leave with the family for a 3 month adventure was absolutely part of this new approach - because our time together is very precious.
At this point in my life, that's what 'reasonable' looks like. And I like it a lot!
Well at this point in my life... I think it is. If I rewind and think of myself only four or five years ago, I would have considered this idea completely unrealistic. Feeling the obligation to work and rake in as much income as possible for our little family, and obviously since I was part of the corporate swirl back then, I also had to use my yearly vacation allowance wisely (I think it was 4 weeks... goodness gracious!). But that was another era, and my life is very different now - thank God.
When I left the corporate world four years ago, following a burn out, I decided to take control over one precious dimention we tend to overlook in the first half of our life : Time. I took a very clear decision to change the pace of my work life, and protect the time I have with my children while they are still children. It applied to my day to day attitude towards time and I vowed to not rush anymore. Since then I never run to catch the bus or the streetcar because there is always another one not too far behind. I never hurry in the grocery store as I used to do after a day at the office. I take the time to prepare good home made meals. I go out with friends more often and when I do, I take an hour to prepare if I feel like it. I hang the laundry on the clothes line and feel so wonderfully 'normal' not using a machine in the name of time management. And of course, the decision to leave with the family for a 3 month adventure was absolutely part of this new approach - because our time together is very precious.
At this point in my life, that's what 'reasonable' looks like. And I like it a lot!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
June
June. I still haven't planted anything, and I didn't even make an attempt to prepare the soil. It might not be the summer for my vegetable garden after all. I look at our summer calendar, and it's just as well... I will not be home very much. So much for good intentions! The same goes for all my ideas of painting and making the house pretty - Martha and Debby should not hold their breath... not much happened on that front. I still have boxes kicking around from our return from Mexico. Not sure where it could all go, we're short on storage space and it really seems like we own too much stuff, still. Even after the mega purge of last fall. Am I slowly becoming an adept of voluntary simplicity? Ha - That'll be the day! I can't even plan a SIMPLE vacation for crying out loud!
I don't feel so healthy these days. I know I should work out... blah. I do go for long walks whenever I can - I love that, but it's not enough. I feel sluggish and lazy. I must find the motivation to get my rear end to the YMCA... Maybe pulling out my summer clothes will do it!
On the business front I'm pretty much booked until early April 2012. Nice! I have some new and interesting teacher training sessions lined-up, looking forward to it. I will be busy in schools, and I am also adding a live music component of my daycare program. I have obtained my permits (school boards) for after-school programs for the coming school year already. Not too bad for a sluggish phase! I need to keep-up the good work and solidify the plans. I will be hiring a new teacher, and I'm pretty sure that I have found the right person. Time to set-up a meeting, and make my offer. We shall see.
Something is brewing on the travel plans... end of April 2012... but I'm not sure that I'm being realistic (or reasonable!). I trust that it will all become clear before the new year. No rush.
I don't feel so healthy these days. I know I should work out... blah. I do go for long walks whenever I can - I love that, but it's not enough. I feel sluggish and lazy. I must find the motivation to get my rear end to the YMCA... Maybe pulling out my summer clothes will do it!
On the business front I'm pretty much booked until early April 2012. Nice! I have some new and interesting teacher training sessions lined-up, looking forward to it. I will be busy in schools, and I am also adding a live music component of my daycare program. I have obtained my permits (school boards) for after-school programs for the coming school year already. Not too bad for a sluggish phase! I need to keep-up the good work and solidify the plans. I will be hiring a new teacher, and I'm pretty sure that I have found the right person. Time to set-up a meeting, and make my offer. We shall see.
Something is brewing on the travel plans... end of April 2012... but I'm not sure that I'm being realistic (or reasonable!). I trust that it will all become clear before the new year. No rush.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
The Sequal!
Yes, I'm back. Stopping the blog did not sit so well with me after all. This is really a trail of experiences and thoughts, and I found myself wanting to share some more - 'cause it never stops!
I actually feel that a breeze has picked-up my sails, and I brace myself for the next ride. Funny how life keeps us on our toes... The post-travel blues are clearing up - never too soon. I went through a few writing waves since November, and I now have about 25 charted pieces for my repertoire of early childhood French rhymes, songs, games and activities. Some in English and Spanish too. My goal is to complete the repertoire with some children's classics, sometimes revisited with a game or with movements, and get some simple illustrations. This book will be mostly for early childhood teachers, they often ask me for written repertoire. I will use this new repertoire along the school year 2011-2012, fine tuning songs and activities - and then begin production around June 2012 for a fall release. Wow, it works so nicely said like that...
On the business front, it looks like it will be Le Petit Atelier's best year yet. It sure helps that I am not going anywhere until the spring... so I'll be here to get through the fall and winter - the high seasons for my little business.
It looks like I will be teaching in Yucatan in late April - at the Kindergarten school of Telchac Puerto again, and maybe in the Grade school as well. It feels amazing to contribute to the music education of a village - and it's the essence of what I do : 'Music for every child to discover, experience and enjoy.'
This Volunteering project is made possible by Telchac Education - a fantastic student sponsorship program.
Although I will be provided with accommodation while in Telchac Puerto, I still have to fly there and I am hoping to finance part of that expense with a paid engagement in Merida. It's a fair city with numerous schools, many private and many with an English program. I might find something in French too... who knows. Let's see how this develops!
And here we go again... : )
I actually feel that a breeze has picked-up my sails, and I brace myself for the next ride. Funny how life keeps us on our toes... The post-travel blues are clearing up - never too soon. I went through a few writing waves since November, and I now have about 25 charted pieces for my repertoire of early childhood French rhymes, songs, games and activities. Some in English and Spanish too. My goal is to complete the repertoire with some children's classics, sometimes revisited with a game or with movements, and get some simple illustrations. This book will be mostly for early childhood teachers, they often ask me for written repertoire. I will use this new repertoire along the school year 2011-2012, fine tuning songs and activities - and then begin production around June 2012 for a fall release. Wow, it works so nicely said like that...
On the business front, it looks like it will be Le Petit Atelier's best year yet. It sure helps that I am not going anywhere until the spring... so I'll be here to get through the fall and winter - the high seasons for my little business.
It looks like I will be teaching in Yucatan in late April - at the Kindergarten school of Telchac Puerto again, and maybe in the Grade school as well. It feels amazing to contribute to the music education of a village - and it's the essence of what I do : 'Music for every child to discover, experience and enjoy.'
This Volunteering project is made possible by Telchac Education - a fantastic student sponsorship program.
Although I will be provided with accommodation while in Telchac Puerto, I still have to fly there and I am hoping to finance part of that expense with a paid engagement in Merida. It's a fair city with numerous schools, many private and many with an English program. I might find something in French too... who knows. Let's see how this develops!
And here we go again... : )
Thursday, April 14, 2011
In Conclusion...
Dear followers, it's time for me to draw an end to this blog. Or take a break.
Today is the two month mark since our return and the time has come to look ahead and move on, taking this beautiful experience along with me. I have been talking to friends and reading a little about the unavoidable after shock which follows the achievement of a long time dream, and I feel better now. Normal, anyway. Do not underestimate this part of the whole picture, it is very common to feel a void and be down for awhile afterwards. Try to acknowledge your good fortune despite your mood, and more importantly allow yourself to feel that way. It's perfectly okay, but reach out and express yourself... do not try to keep it all in.
If some of you are planning on taking your family away for a few months, I hope that my blog has - or will - inspire you to go right ahead, and I hope that I have provided some useful tips and insight into the planning, the deployment, and the aftermath.
In conclusion...
I would do it again in a snap, and I would not change a thing. Life is a short window filled with great opportunities to cease. I feel privileged to have been able to share my deep love of Yucatan with my family (and with you!), and we now share that love and respect. I want us to build on that.
I will fill the void with new dreams, and if I can be blessed with some more good fortune I will have a great time making them come true. In doing so I hope that my boys learn to do just the same.
Until the next adventure - farewell!
Today is the two month mark since our return and the time has come to look ahead and move on, taking this beautiful experience along with me. I have been talking to friends and reading a little about the unavoidable after shock which follows the achievement of a long time dream, and I feel better now. Normal, anyway. Do not underestimate this part of the whole picture, it is very common to feel a void and be down for awhile afterwards. Try to acknowledge your good fortune despite your mood, and more importantly allow yourself to feel that way. It's perfectly okay, but reach out and express yourself... do not try to keep it all in.
If some of you are planning on taking your family away for a few months, I hope that my blog has - or will - inspire you to go right ahead, and I hope that I have provided some useful tips and insight into the planning, the deployment, and the aftermath.
In conclusion...
I would do it again in a snap, and I would not change a thing. Life is a short window filled with great opportunities to cease. I feel privileged to have been able to share my deep love of Yucatan with my family (and with you!), and we now share that love and respect. I want us to build on that.
I will fill the void with new dreams, and if I can be blessed with some more good fortune I will have a great time making them come true. In doing so I hope that my boys learn to do just the same.
Until the next adventure - farewell!
Monday, April 4, 2011
Post Mortem
No matter how hard I try, my life seems very boring right now. Working, and sort of taking care of the home front, not very enthusiastic about anything these days. I am looking forward to our summer vacation, but until then there's nothing exciting in the forecast.
I call it post mortem syndrome... the period where one realises that after living such a wonderful experience, the colours of regular day to day life seem terribly faded, and way too real. It makes me question a number of choices for the coming years - one of which is to allow myself to slow down, and hopefully dust off those colours on a regular basis. I know there's a way, and I shall find it.
Oh well. The blooming spring should help! And as dear Sclarlett said so well, 'Tomorrow... is another day!'
I call it post mortem syndrome... the period where one realises that after living such a wonderful experience, the colours of regular day to day life seem terribly faded, and way too real. It makes me question a number of choices for the coming years - one of which is to allow myself to slow down, and hopefully dust off those colours on a regular basis. I know there's a way, and I shall find it.
Oh well. The blooming spring should help! And as dear Sclarlett said so well, 'Tomorrow... is another day!'
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